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Happy New Year as Covid Turns 2

1/10/2022

I started my December 2020 blog with, “At last, 2020 has come to an end.” The world was ready to kiss 2020 goodbye and everyone was excited for a new year, a vaccine and an end to Covid-19. I said that we would reminisce and talk about it for years to come, but that isn’t what ended up happening in 2021. Unfortunately, 2021 brought more uncertainty, frustration and two new variants; Delta and Omicron.

Despite this, schools and workplaces began to open, people started to venture out on vacation and attend entertainment venues. The vaccine became a contentious political issue with some insisting that they had a right to make decisions regarding their health regardless of the information provided by healthcare experts.

Despite the slow and steady progress everyone is ready to return to our normal lives. However, Covid has brought big changes to our lives, abruptly and without warning.

These adjustments brought a range of feelings and experiences. Many did not know how to navigate multiple issues while sheltered at home. Some thought to themselves, ‘how do I work from home, provide schooling for my children and be a good spouse or partner?’ The stress of being unable to go out and take time apart from family for one’s daily routine was one of the biggest challenges for many. The opening and closing of schools, added frustrations to an already stressful situation. It became impossible to have a regular routine which made daily life challenging for some families.

Some things to keep in mind:

Our world remains uncertain. Hopefully this year we can think about who, what and how we want to live our lives.

Make decisions based on the present and what is in your control. Do not try to plan for variables that do not exist or are unknown.

Limit how much time spent reading, listening or discussing the pandemic. Try to find lighter topics to focus on that are fun and bring you joy.

Be gentle with yourself and others regarding handling the pandemic. If someone cancels plans or a trip with you, try to be understanding and see it from their point of view.

If you are attending a gathering and guests are not vaccinated, feel free to ask those that are attending to get a Covid test. If you get push-back, decide if you prefer to stay home or schedule an activity that feels safe and poses less risk.

I know many people who have restructured and redesigned their lives in the past two years and have embraced new ways to live in a post-Covid world.

We want to live our lives with purpose and meaning whatever life brings.

Have a safe and prosperous New Year!

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Preparing for Difficult Conversations

11/15/2021

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Several years ago, I heard the term ‘courageous conversations.’ To me, it sounded like a new coaching practice used in organizations and companies. I was thinking about this concept recently when I had two conversations within a few weeks of each other. One went very well and the other did not.

Prior to the first conversation, I prepared my points, took a few minutes to clear my mind of other tasks, centered myself and closed my office door. The conversation started smoothy and seemed to go well with both parties satisfied of the outcome.

A week later, I was getting ready to call a manager after I had notified him that his employee should not be on the job due to ongoing mental health and substance use issues. It was a very hectic morning and the phones were ringing off the hook.

I had to call the manager quickly as I had less time that day for calls. I knew I hadn’t prepared as I had the week before. In my mind, I believed that the call may not go well.

The conversation started calmly, but due to both parties feeling stressed and having completely different ways of proceeding with this employee, the conversation went poorly and no issues were resolved. The other party said he would take the matter up with upper management and their company attorney.

I thought about both of these conversations and how I had prepared or failed to prepare and how that had impacted the outcome. It made me think of what is needed to have a successful conversation on a difficult issue.

Here are some tips for navigating difficult conversations:

Approach the conversation with the goal of listening to the other person’s concerns vs thinking about what you will say.

-Frame it as a chance to have a positive outcome instead of thinking, “this will be a difficult conversation.”

Speak as soon as possible.

- Putting off or refusing to speak with managers about work issues can cause resentments and create a toxic work environment. This can cause poor concentration and may decrease one’s work performance. Some studies say that employees spend just under 3 hours a week dealing with office conflicts. This is a lot of time and energy that can be costly for an employer.

Have the courage to be honest and direct.

-Talking honestly and presenting your viewpoint with clarity creates mutually respectful relationships. If you or the other party feels on the defensive, clarity versus an overly direct style is best.

Stay centered.

-As we get caught up in the heat of the moment, it becomes hard to speak with clarity. Practice breathing and write down some key points, which will allow for flexibility. Making a structured script may be too rigid and could lead to a problematic outcome. Try to remain calm and tell yourself that a good outcome is possible for both parties.

The Bottom Line

Rethinking difficult conversations can be so important and useful both professionally and personally. In these moments; prepare, stay calm and be confident that you are communicating in the most effective way possible. This will lead to the best results for you and the other person.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Coping Tips for Dealing with Family Estrangement

9/20/2021

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As the COVID restrictions have lifted and families are no longer spending all of their time quarantined together, I am starting to hear more about the issue of families and estrangement.

*Pam, a patient of mine, came into our counseling session feeling jilted. She had just run into her brother after years of estrangement following the death of their father. She talked about their relationship and how they had never been that close throughout their childhood. She mentioned that her parents were unsure of how to help the two of them have a relationship.

She said that when she ran into him, they had a very brief conversation. Then, he said he had to get going and quickly walked away. She found the experience painful. A close friend happened to be with her and her friend was shocked at the tone and abruptness of the conversation given that the two were raised in the same household for 18 years. There were no other children in the family.

Researchers in the field of family and sibling relationships say that estrangement among siblings is rare about 7-8%, however it’s likely that this issue is underreported.

Pam said that she has had minimal contact with her brother in recent years, but there would be occasional emails or texts. In the last 6 months, her attempts to reach out to her brother were unsuccessful. Pam has wondered if it is healthy to continue trying to have a relationship with him at all.

Ideas to consider when coping with sibling estrangement:

You can reach out 1-2 times a year with low expectations regarding the response you will receive.

You might also reach out to your sibling to inquire if they would like to have contact and if they decline, ask if you can reach out again in 6 months or a year.

Consider having a family member or professional meet with you and your sibling to ease back into each other’s lives and assist with communication.

Evaluate the reason for the estrangement and your role in it. What can you offer to do differently and what support do you need to make this relationship healthier?

See a therapist or join a support group that specializes in siblings and estrangement.

Consider if reconciliation is the best course of action or if estrangement is a healthier solution?

Speak to a trusted friend that can listen without judgement.

If you decide not to reconnect, you will need to take time to grieve this loss and what could have been, especially if it is your only sibling. Pam thought she had moved on from her brother, but this encounter brought up unresolved feelings and she found it took time to process the experience.

Remember, reconnecting with a sibling may not be possible for many reasons. Pam and others in this situation have taken time to grieve this loss and have tried to focus on the other relationships in their lives whether it be relatives, friends and their intimate partners as a way to have a full life without their sibling.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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A POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE & MENTAL HEALTH

7/26/2021

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Do you lean towards positive thinking? Does your life feel balanced? Do you care for your mental health?

As I was researching topics for my July blog, I wanted to write about a professional topic, but focus on the “lighter” side. As I googled, I found many references to positivity, balance and mental health. Great idea, I thought.

Today, when I was swimming laps at the local pool, I was grumbling a bit. I had liked it when the pool adjusted the lanes sideways to allow for more swimmers in the pool under Covid restrictions. It was also a shorter distance and I liked getting to the wall quicker and taking that brief rest.

When I noticed myself thinking negatively about the change with the pool setup, I challenged myself to find something to be grateful for. “At least the pool is open,” I thought to myself.

“Research shows that a positive outlook on life helps your physical and mental health.” Let’s face it, your attitude about life can have a big impact. When I have had feedback that I am a positive person, I tell people that it has been a process and practice to learn and exercise my positivity muscles.

Some of my counseling colleagues cringe when they hear about positive psychology as they feel that it can minimize people’s problems. One prominent coach said that she likes
to use the language of “productive thinking” versus “positive thinking.”

The following is an unofficial quiz to test your attitude:

You had a great time at the party and talked to everyone, except one person that ignored you. As you leave the party, do you remember all the great conversations you had or the one person who snubbed you?

If you “failed” to get the promotion or the job you applied for, do you take it personally or do you tell yourself that there could be many reasons why it didn’t work out?

When a big event is coming up, do you think it will go well for you or do you fear the worst?

Are you someone who sees things in “black or white” or do you land in the middle and see the gray areas?

Are there areas of your life that are difficult right now? Do you think about how to make these areas better? Do you take steps to make improvements or seek support when needed?

During your daily breaks, do you engage in a mental check to see how you are thinking and feeling about things? Are you feeling upbeat or do you need to address any negative thoughts?

How is your humor? If you need a boost do you find something funny online, ask a coworker to share a joke or take a dance break?

How is your support system? Do you surround yourself with people who listen, understand and validate you? Do they encourage you and see good things for your life?

Do you start each day with affirmations?

Do you journal or write morning pages each day? Do you start the day by writing down everything that you are thankful for?

As we start the second half of the summer, which of these areas can you improve on?

How can you live with a more positive outlook and take care of your mental health?

I’m not saying that it’s easy, however it will be so worth it to begin to cultivate a more positive mindset.

See you in September!

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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The 'New' Workforce as We Approach the Next Phase of Covid

5/25/2021

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The move into a 'split' workforce of in-house and remote workers is the biggest challenge facing the workplace as we enter the second year of the pandemic. There will be some jobs that will be less in demand and at the same time, millions of jobs that will be more in need.

Many people are asking themselves, “how will these changes impact workplace culture?" “How will the split strengthen or weaken workplace culture? Will there be less cohesion among workers? Will workplace culture train younger workers as future leaders if more seasoned workers are rarely in the office? Will this impact day to day operations and workforce readiness?”

Others are wondering, ‘how will an organization maintain the advances that marginalized employees have made and ensure there remains a pipeline of talented workers to move up the ranks?”

There are also concerns regarding if employees will be as engaged and loyal as prior to the pandemic? For instance, will they want to stay at a job for 3-5 years? Many young people think nothing of leaving in 1-2 years as they have learned the job and can advance quickly in another organization. Further, job seekers are using remote work as leverage during onboarding negotiations, as less commuting time and cost has been experienced as an increase in salary.

Essential workers are often lacking secure benefits, ability to move up the career ladder, and better pay. Therefore, how do employers show their commitment to their needs and treat them as if they are critical to the economy?

Employee Assistance and Human Resource departments will need to be more equipped than ever to handle the increase in mental health and substance abuse issues that were seen during the pandemic.

The social justice and civil unrest over the past year has forever changed the boundary between political engagement and corporate culture. Thus, how do leaders show compassion and empathy for those struggles while maintaining a productive workforce?

We have to consider multiple needs such as employees, clients, the government, private sector, small businesses and the global economy in order to shift to the new normal and keep business running in the most efficient way possible.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Gun Violence: Myths and Realities

3/29/2021

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In March of 2018, I wrote a blog post entitled ‘March Madness: Mental Health and Gun Control.’ The focus was on controlling guns, background checks, removing certain types of guns from the marketplace and treatment of the chronically mentally ill. The post went up a month after the mass shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High school in Parkland, Florida. The prevalence of guns and easy access to obtaining them, is a pressing issue in this country.

Since I wrote the blog, there have been 11 mass shootings which killed 106 people. Additionally, there were two shootings in the past 14 days.

Historically we have been unable to study those that commit these acts as many are shot and killed during their rampage or commit suicide afterwards. Robert Aaron Long, age 21, killed 6 Asian Americans in Atlanta. He legally purchased the assault rifle that he used in the attack. He was reportedly “tortured by his sex addiction” and said, “Asian women were part of the addiction.” He said that he was targeting massage parlors. Despite his claims that it was not racially motivated, given that he targeted Asian women-his actions suggest otherwise. Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa, age 21, killed 10 people in Boulder this past week. He also passed the background check. It was reported that he was bullied for being Muslim and demonstrated some paranoia, but didn’t exhibit anything else that was a red flag.

Next month, a book will be released that looks at the perpetrators of such acts. The book is “From a Taller Tower: The Rise of the American Mass Shooter” by Seamus McGraw.

The argument for universal background checks or putting distance between people who are of concern and their access to guns seems to be a weak one given that so many shooters pass the background checks. Additionally, someone who is restricted from guns, can easily purchase one on the internet. Most Americans feel there needs to be swift action from Congress, but many have little faith that our elected officials will do much to address the issue. Attitudes vary on the cause and ability of legislation to reduce mass shootings.

Myths and perceptions continue to make the issue difficult to resolve. **Here are a few:

Fear of mass shootings in the United States is a bigger concern than the threat of Middle East terrorism. These views cut across the political spectrum. Few feel that President Trump or other recent presidents have made the country safer from such acts of violence.
Most agree that inadequate mental health services are a key component to the problem. Progressives feel the types of weapons are the cause and conservatives point to family and parenting as a cause of the problem.
Most support regulating firearms, but few want to stop manufacturing guns or remove guns all together.
Most want universal background checks.

There is some concern around balancing both the ‘Right to Bear Arms’ and how to regulate this better in order to create a safer atmosphere.

Given the repetition of the issues discussed in this blog over the years, taking certain assault rifles off the market may be the only solution and one that few people will support.

It’s also important to make sure that those with mental health issues, a history of domestic violence and people who have been involved with crime are unable to purchase a gun. I hope that if I write another blog on this topic in March of 2024, things will have improved dramatically.

**Brookings Institute 4/22/19

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Biden Blues or The Dawn of a New Era?

2/1/2021

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Photo: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

The Inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris twelve days ago is the beginning of a new chapter in American politics. In years past, we transitioned back and forth between Democrat and Republican administrations with ease, however this year from some individuals there was an unprecedented effort to re-elect Trump. Whereas, others wanted to get him out and elect the democratic candidate no matter what.

The collective sigh of relief in some parts of the country comes with a warning to refrain from believing that the work is done. A supporter of Joe Biden warned that, “the minute he is elected, we have to hit the streets and write letters as fast and furiously as we wrote postcards to get him elected.”

Under this administration, the government may be less openly hostile, but we will have to be equally engaged.

For many voters, the new administration is hardly a sigh of relief. For some, Biden is an “outdated option” and represents the lack of progress in American politics. The whispers of his behavior around women and his legendary gaffes are a turn-off to younger voters who are looking for something new in their elected officials.

So here are some things that progressives are advocating for:

Staffing advocates that support “Medicare for All.” Biden has expressed expanding Obama Care with a public option.
Requesting that Biden hire staff and appoint people who support the Green Deal.
Building the progressive wing of the party into a voting bloc.
Build a social justice caucus which is the left’s answer to the right’s Freedom caucus.
Strategic fundraising and organizing that feels ethical and moves away from the corrupt style of Washington DC.
Sophistication of a well-run campaign with a grass roots approach.
Progressives don’t want to be a thorn in Biden’s side, but have already made it known that they will challenge him in 2024 if he doesn’t cater to the new “progressive caucus.”

The year is shaping up to be an interesting and exciting time. What can you do to help our Country to keep moving forward?

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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A Very “Covid” Holiday Season

12/7/2020

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At last, 2020 has come to an end. The presidential transition has begun. It has been a difficult year that none of us could have predicted at this time last year. As one colleague said so eloquently, “we are all in the same boat, but everyone has a different storm.” We are continuing to deal with Covid and just concluded a stressful presidential election.

I won’t bore you with the same old guidelines about washing your hands and wearing a face mask (although those things are important!), but how about some fun ideas for the holiday season?

Invite an elderly person or a friend to your home and then zoom with a larger group of people.
Designate one or two people as the “food committee” and select a menu for the group so that everyone can share the same meal.
If your group wants to mix things up, have a pot-luck style meal via zoom. Then, everyone can sign up to bring a couple of different dishes to be viewed online. You can share special ingredients that you used or why the dish is special to you. Swap recipes.
Discuss your favorite holidays from childhood or periods of your life when holidays were special or meaningful.
Have a game night or watch a movie together and discuss afterwards.
Share any special or funny stories from your holiday archives.
If you’re looking for apps that can help you to spice up your next online gathering, you might want to check out House Party, Marco Polo, or Rave.

Years ago, a close friend’s mother was so nervous about meeting her oldest daughter’s boyfriend, that she put the turkey in the oven, forgot to turn on the stove and didn’t realize it until a few hours later. The family joked about it for years after and called it “The Longest Thanksgiving in Family History.” The daughter’s boyfriend became a son-in-law and he refers to it as “the most stressful way to meet your future in-laws.”

You can also ask your friends or family what would make the holiday special, safe and financially doable for them. Some people are struggling and have lost income due to COVID and you don’t want them to feel left out, if your holiday plan is out of their price range.

Have a wonderful time planning your unique holiday and remember, you will be able to reminisce and laugh about it for years to come.

Happy Holidays and the best in 2021.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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THE YEAR OF STRESS AND UNCERTAINTY

10/5/2020

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Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, we have a supreme court vacancy, one of the worst debates in history, and now the President of the United States and the First Lady have tested positive for Covid 19.

In coaching and counseling numerous individuals, I have noticed that more people are blaming others, easily angered, seeing things in black and white and having difficulty conversing with people who have a different viewpoint. There is also increased stigma for those with mental health disorders.

This pattern seems to match up with our contentious political season and the fallout of the pandemic. There is a human tendency to devalue ideas that are counter to one’s own. Additionally, the 24-hour news cycle is focused on the most negative angle that they can dig up. The brain is wired to respond to negative stimuli, which is what the news taps into. The cumulative factor of which Dr. Steve Stonsy, Ph.D. refers to as, “Election Stress Disorder.”

A group of researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Harvard Medical School reported that 55% of people are more stressed now than they were earlier this year due to the various cultural disruptions.

So, how can we help people with this unprecedented amount of stress and uncertainty?

Some of the biggest frustrations surrounding COVID 19 include; the disconnect from normal activities and routine, financial stress related to job loss and social isolation. Children and teens are missing their friends and young adults are experiencing changes in higher learning with increasing concerns about the job market.

A Few Tips for Coping During the Pandemic

Now is a good time to take stock of our lives and use any extra free time to connect with our true values. It is also a time to focus on forming meaningful connections, even if they have to be over Zoom. When we are interacting with others, can we listen more deeply? Perhaps we would benefit from trying to focus on their concerns and staying away from conversations regarding which candidate they support.

It’s also important to normalize that we are all experiencing increased stress right now. It’s crucial to practice being compassionate with yourself, if you are struggling to cope.

This year has brought many unforeseen changes, however doing the best you can to engage in self-care and being gentle towards others is the best way to get through these tough times and PS….don’t forget to vote.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Kamala Harris and Geraldine Ferraro

8/17/2020

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“Young lady, do you make good blueberry muffins?” asked a Mississippi farmer to Vice Presidential Candidate Geraldine Ferraro in 1984

“She was very very nasty to Joe Biden. I cannot believe he chose her as his running mate. Harris is a madwoman.” -President Donald Trump, August 2020.

In the summer of 1984, I was driving in St Paul, Minnesota. It was two months after I had graduated from college. All of the sudden, I heard an announcement on the radio that Senator Walter Mondale had chosen Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate, making her the first woman on a major party ticket. I was excited beyond belief and felt that it would add a dimension to the race that we hadn’t seen before. Mondale was 12-19 points behind in the polls and even Ferraro herself had speculated that the democrats would not gamble on a woman unless the candidate was at least 15 points behind.

This was a huge step in our society and ended the boys club in American politics which was the focus of Ferraro’s obituary. The Mondale-Ferraro ticket had a slim chance of beating Reagan, however Ferraro being on the ticket created a lot of public anxiety around the idea of a woman being the Vice President of the United States. When Sarah Palin was selected in 2008, the anxiety level had gone down some and the public seemed slightly more open to having a woman on a major party ticket. Now we have the nomination of Kamala Harris and I am left to wonder how much things have changed. For instance, The President of the United States wasted no time in making sexist remarks and encouraging an old-world view of a woman with power.

Donna Zaccaro, Geraldine Ferraro’s oldest daughter, was interviewed recently and agreed that our culture is more accepting of women in leadership positions. She talked about how her mom’s candidacy really changed our society in terms of women going for and getting higher level jobs in politics, business and law. Donna also remarked that despite the shifts in our culture, Kamala Harris will face a lot of the same challenges that her late mother faced. Before long, the media will be focused on her appearance, her hair, her weight and her clothes. Is she coming across as too meek? Too shrill? or too nasty?

Tucker Carlson, of Fox News, spoke about Ms. Harris this past week and kept mispronouncing her name. When someone in the studio corrected him, he responded with, “who cares?” This is a strange thing to say about someone running for vice president. Why wouldn’t her name and the correct pronunciation matter? Perhaps this is a sign of things to come.

The changes in our society and the fact that Kamala Harris is the third woman to be on a major party ticket will hopefully help ease some of the attacks expected on the road ahead. She is also the first woman of color to be nominated for vice president and therefore is dealing with an additional level of bias and prejudice.

Although it’s unknown if Kamala Harris will be elected as vice president, every time we see a woman in a position of power, we are moving forward as a society.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

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Happy New Year as Covid Turns 2

Preparing for Difficult Conversations

Coping Tips for Dealing with Family Estrangement

A POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE & MENTAL HEALTH

The 'New' Workforce as We Approach the Next Phase of Covid

Gun Violence: Myths and Realities

Biden Blues or The Dawn of a New Era?

A Very “Covid” Holiday Season

THE YEAR OF STRESS AND UNCERTAINTY

Kamala Harris and Geraldine Ferraro

If You Have a Problem Employee or an Employee with a Problem...

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