*John has spent much of his time in counseling discussing how much he dislikes his job and how crazy it has gotten due to the lack of support by management. He admits that he is unhappy most of the time and it is impacting his life outside of work.  “I don’t see my friends or go out as much as I used to,” he said.
 
John doesn’t know what he will do next and isn’t sure there is a job out there for him at the same salary with the same great benefits and fun colleagues. He also wants a job where he interacts with clients more, instead of getting mired in administrative tasks.
 
John and I have discussed and explored various issues to determine if it’s time for him leave and the following are some of them.
 
Here are some signs that it might be time to leave your job:
 

• You’re unhappy to the point that it impacts your life.
• The skills that are needed for your role aren’t things that you enjoy.
• You dread going to work.
• You know that your clients are starting to suffer as a result of your lack of enthusiasm.
• There is disorganization and management changes.
• You’re reading blogs on the signs that it is time to leave a job.

 
After reading this list, what do you think? Do these points resonate with you? Are you willing to wait? What is stopping you from getting started? What are the steps you need to start taking to help yourself to move on?
 
It is always easier to get a job while you have a job as there isn’t the pressure of finances or grabbing something too quickly just to make a move.
 
If you take your time to search for jobs and network, you will be more likely to make a good career move versus just changing jobs.
 
It is only too late if you don’t start now!
 
​
Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

​Lisa* charged into the office and sat down with a sense of defiance that I hadn’t seen in a while. She is fed up with her situation at work and has finally decided to do something about it. There have been several managerial changes which has led to a deterioration of her work with customers. For the past year, she has tried over and over to discuss the issues at work with her boss and he either cuts her off, dismisses her, or changes the subject. More importantly, she cannot locate him when she needs to discuss something. “He always disappears in one form or another” she exclaims, “I am going to HR!”
 
After she calmed down, she was able to take a less defiant stand and said she needed to take some time to consider her course of action.
 
Lisa and I have spent time in our coaching sessions addressing how to best help her perform the duties of her job. We also discussed what she can do to receive support from her boss given the impact of the changes on her work. She had considered going to Human Resources as they are independent of her department and uninvolved in the conflict.  
 
Some Things to Consider
 
If you feel that your situation needs to be brought to a higher level the following are some things to consider.

• Have you considered speaking to a trusted coworker about your experience with all the changes?
• Have you prepared an agenda of the issues that you want to cover? Some people find it helpful to provide a script with specific concerns and the timeline for which they occurred. This will keep the meeting structured and focused on key issues versus every big and small issue that comes up at work.
• Have you spoken to another supervisor about your concerns? If you phrase it that you are concerned about how the problems impact customers and the services rendered to them, you are more likely to be heard.
• Were you satisfied with the outcome of the meeting? If not, do you want to schedule a follow-up meeting or speak to someone at the next level?

 
If you cannot speak to another manager about your boss, you can consider going to HR to discuss your concerns. They are trained to be an independent third party in the workplace. The only thing to remember is that depending on the type of issues that you address with HR, they may not be able to keep the conversation confidential if it impacts safety or customer service.
 
Remember, no matter who you speak to or how the conversation goes, it’s important to listen and be professional. Even if the meeting doesn’t go as planned, you were able to engage in a difficult conversation. Ultimately, this is a first step in improving your job performance and being the best employee that you can be.
 
 Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

​For much of my professional life I have worked with black men in a range of settings. This includes traditional agency jobs, employee assistance, union evaluations and private practice. No matter what setting I am working in or what is going on in the clinical interaction, each one has made a point of telling me that they did not have a father.
 
For many of them, fatherlessness is common in the neighborhoods they grew up in. They recount that it was rare to see a household with both parents. Further, the issue of fatherlessness in the black community seems to be prevalent regardless of socioeconomic status.
 
Whenever I listen to commentary about police issues in poor black communities, there is never any mention of the lack of men.
 
About a year ago, TV Commentator Larry Elders was seething about ‘everything being blamed on race instead of supporting young people in working hard, doing well in school and preparing for the job market.’ He went on to say that, “the biggest problem in the black community is that there are no men.”
 
Often when there is talk about problems in a person’s life, there is discussion about the mother, father, or parents. However, when there is conversation around problems in poor and minority communities, I never hear those three words. The only words I hear is ‘police’ over and over again.
 
Does that mean there are no parents? Does that mean there are more separated families than in other communities? Are parents stressed from working at low wage jobs and spending hours getting to and from those jobs?  I often listen to commentary and wait to hear any mention of parents or family, but it never happens.
 
Are the police part of the parenting structure? Are the police replacing men who disproportionately die at a younger age, are routed to the prison system, or leave family behind?
 
Recently one of my counseling clients mentioned the untimely death of her brother after an incident in his neighborhood. She overheard the police talking about her brother as if he was ‘just another young black man who died on the streets.’ She discussed how cold and heartless the police sounded and the feeling that they were ‘discarding’ his life.
 
What immediately came to mind for me was the fact that her father discarded her brother and failed to raise him long before the police encountered him. Instead, her dad went off with his girlfriend and started a new family, leaving her and her brother behind to be raised by her mother.
 
She didn’t make the connection.
 
It’s time that we started to connect the lack of men with the over involvement of the police. Thus, spending our time and resources on keeping young black men engaged in school, their families and in life. 

​Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Why do so many people support R. Kelly?
 
Other famous men, such as OJ Simpson, Mike Tyson and Louie CK were also supported by many despite their abuse towards women.
 
Truthfully, I did not know who R. Kelly was until a few months ago. However, I have noticed that whenever a prominent man is accused of abuse towards women and girls, he seems to receive support from the community and his peers.
 
In an era where we are concerned about police brutality towards communities of color and the public at large, why is there less outrage about other forms of violence?
 
In the case of R. Kelly, the issue surrounds abuse and an adult man holding captive and marrying underage girls.
 
It is hardly worth noting that Mr. Kelly has denied all of the allegations and stated that the women who came forward are all lying.
 
When fans are asked about their loyalty, they have a range of answers from not believing it to saying that we should consider ‘his side of the story.’ Others state that they have been following Mr. Kelly for years and that ‘he isn’t someone who would engage in that kind of behavior.’
 
Many of these statements are parallel to the excuses that are used to justify views that a police officer used brutal force when it was not necessary. Now that citizens are filming police incident and officers are using body cams, it is much harder to deny what occurred.
 
It has been reported that R. Kelly married the singer Aliyah when she was a minor and that they tried to cover it up. Other women and their families have said that he would not allow women to leave his home. They also stated that he told them how to explain to their families what they were doing, in an effort to not raise any concerns about their safety.
 
Women of color have been viewed as hypersexual by the broader culture. Their allegations of abuse have been racialized for decades and their complaints are often viewed with suspicion.
 
Historically, women have received their power and status from their involvement with and proximity to men. This might help to explain why some women might feel a need to support powerful men, regardless of potential wrongdoings that might have occurred.
 
Ultimately, supporting violence degrades and brings everyone down and does little to advance women in the world.

​Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.