Kay Gimmestad - NYC Area Workplace Performance Issues - Blog

When “Being Nice” Backfires: Setting Limits with a Self-Focused Friend

4/13/2026

My colleagues and I in the counseling and coaching field, all face a dilemma around communication with someone in our life. What do we do if we are in a relationship where the other person talks non-stop? If we turn our back on them, look at our phones or look away, they keep talking and don’t notice that we aren’t paying attention.

Those of us in the counseling, coaching or HR field are trained to listen. If we are around that person, why don’t we hold up our hand and say “enough?” Often, the person never gets around to asking about you. It is easy to feel tired or resentful after being around them.

Here are some things to consider:

It can be hard to set boundaries, but as helping professionals, we do it all the time with clients. We know that if we don’t, sessions could become unmanageable, and it can impact treatment.

Sometimes people develop patterns that they aren’t aware of. It can be habit, or maybe they are used to being able to dominate others. People in their life struggle to manage them and their behavior continues. Some are the oldest sibling in a large family or the youngest and they had to be “pushy” to be heard.

It is common to be uncomfortable with silence and some people feel that they have to fill in gaps.

Self-focus is reinforced over time. Talking can be seen as connecting to a person, so the minute a person appears, the individual is off to the races.

Some people over function in relationships due to their training around being a therapist.

You may have trouble with confrontation and convince yourself that the person will change. Maybe you have let things go on too long in the past and when you spoke to someone, they lashed out and ended the relationship.

One of the biggest problems is letting an issue go on too long. When you start to experience a person who dominates a conversation, it is best to speak up sooner rather than later to avoid establishing a pattern.

Sample Boundary Phrases:

I can only talk briefly today; I have a bunch of appointments.
I enjoy catching up with you, however I’ve noticed sometimes it’s hard for me to get a word in. It would be great if you could make some space for me to share as well.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Thoughts On Caring for the Elderly After the Guthrie Disappearance

3/2/2026

The disappearance of Nancy Guthrie has caused many to think more critically about aging parents and loved ones. It raises questions about safety when it comes to elderly individuals and their living arrangements. However, it’s also important to acknowledge that for some there is a valid desire to feel independent and live in their own space.

Many seniors want to “age in comfort” which means a place they are familiar with and have a lifetime of memories in. Living at home can be a good financial decision if a mortgage is paid off. By contrast, the high cost of institutional elder care- is unrealistic for many people.

Most of us are familiar with available resources: video cameras, medical alert systems, fall detection devices and remote technology that monitors a person in their home.

Here are some other safety considerations:

Create a Communication Rotation: Many people set up a rotation for calls, visits, picking up food and supplies and assistance with banking. If you are an only child or primary caregiver, you might consider asking relatives, neighbors or friends to assist.

Hire Help: Many people are looking for a few extra hours and would love to do this type of work, especially if they know you and your loved one. If greater oversight is needed, consider using an agency.

Ask Detailed Questions: Online research and reviews aren’t always the best indicator of quality. Ask about consistency of staff, cultural compatibility, and coverage if someone leaves or takes vacation. A few years ago, I was interviewing an agency that had only one registered nurse covering our area. When I asked what would happen if the nurse took time off or quit, the manager wasn’t sure and didn’t appear to have a back-up plan. I chose another agency that had a better plan if staffing changes occurred.

Understand What Monitoring Services Actually Cover: If you use a company that provides security or medical devices in the home, ask them what this cover and will they know if the person is injured? What happens if the device is unplugged? Who is notified if the cell or landline is out of service?

Protect Against Financial Scams: Monitor mail and phone calls when appropriate to protect the person from scams. Some family members are on the phone when an elderly person handles banking or tax matters. Prevention is easier than repair.

Visitors: Confirm and schedule in advance. I have heard of churches going door to door to offer support and guidance, but sometimes this is actually a scam to rob a person while impersonating an agency.

Some people have said, “if this can happen to the Guthrie’s with their resources, it can certainly happen to my family.” Financial resources do not shield a person from risk. In fact, larger homes and greater resources can often require more services, which means more individuals are accessing the home.

AARP Caregiver Resource Center www.aarp.org
www.caring.com
Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

When Workplace Banter Crosses A Line

1/12/2026

Every workplace has its share of humor, but there’s a line between lighthearted banter and comments that attack or undermine a person. In coaching and clinical work, there is a clear distinction when a “joke” targets a person’s character, competence or dignity. If it does, it’s rarely a joke. Additionally, comments can land hard and may reveal something about office politics.

I was speaking to a friend who had this experience in a staff meeting, just a few hours before her company closed for Thanksgiving. Her coworker made an inappropriate comment and then proceeded to laugh with the director. Terri, my friend, was visibly upset with the remark. She feels these incidents are part of the “culture of disrespect” shown to some in the office and not to others.

Following the meeting, she sent an email to her coworker and director that the comment was hurtful and did not feel like a “joke.” Her director questioned why she copied him on the email as “I didn’t make the comment, and it was said in jest.” She didn’t respond.

These moments shape office culture, especially when the leader laughs along or dismisses the impact. This can signal that disrespect is acceptable. Inappropriate remarks being normalized in an office setting can erode trust and impact morale.

A healthy workplace isn’t perfect; however it requires accountability. A leader needs to address harmful behavior and honor the work of the whole team. They should work to make sure aggression isn’t hidden behind a punch line.

As clinicians and coaches, who work with a range of clients, it is our job to train leaders and managers to recognize these patterns early, set boundaries and build trusting, respectful environments.

Humor is best when it is used to build morale and create a pleasant work environment.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

What Mamdani’s Win Means for Companies, Firms and Business Culture

11/10/2025

As the election season concludes, and we pivot into Thanksgiving; we take a moment of reflection and renewal. Additionally, workplaces face a unique inflection point. The story of Zohran Mamdani’s rise is more than local politics—it is a business signal that leaders and managers should take seriously.

Here’s why organizations are uneasy, how you as a professional can help them lean in and assist your business in adapting.

When a new leader is elected it can signal both fear about change and possibility for young people, diverse cultures and those that feel disenfranchised in NYC and around the country. I share the concerns of many business leaders about the implications for their bottom line and the adjustments required within their workplaces.

Before you tell your staff to pack up for greener pastures, hold off and think about how this can improve corporate culture and help our employees. Is there a way to consider segments of your workforce that feel left out, excluded and not heard? If you are a company with young employees, consider your employees over 50 who may feel their ideas are “too old or retro” to be heard and implemented.

Here are some considerations:

Psychological Safety and Inclusion: How can your company make sure everyone is heard and that all ideas are aligning with culture and operations? If you are an HR professional or manager you may hear a suggestion that does sound not in line with the company strategy-however, you can stay curious and explore the reasoning behind it.

Anxiety and Change: Leadership may feel threatened or question their role in the company. What does this new era mean for my role if we empower segments of the workforce whose voices are often not heard? If we focus on them, does it leave others out?

New Expectations and Norms: How does your organization rank with “corporate greed?” Are you most concerned about bottom line versus talent management and retaining good employees? How do you convey to your employees that there will be more effort to align culture and operations.

Rapid Change and Momentum: Many cities, governments and companies join the “change and excitement,” but moving to day-to-day work and operations can be slow. What are you doing to make sure you consider and ride the tide but take the time to implement new practices. Many businesses mean well, but after a few weeks, lose momentum and get caught up in the old ways of working, especially with the holiday season approaching.

Implementation: You can hold workshops, training by EAP managers, focus groups or quarterly meetings with results from talking to employees or conducting a survey. How do we let go of old habits and norms? How do you allow those that aren’t represented in the company to feel listened to with a goal of making change? How do you keep some of the business culture to avoid leaving those out who created it and lean into this new energy?

Communicating Updates: Will you have quarterly meetings to discuss and decide what is working and how the suggestions have been implemented? What will remain the same to honor those long-term employees? Are there fun activities or tool kits that can be created?

In conclusion, we survived another election and we’re in the season of Thanksgiving. Will you make a strategic leadership and cultural change to help employees feel engaged? Being open-minded connects people, builds trust, and opens doors to new ideas. Use the new-leader moment as a mirror: if new voters moved the needle in a city, new employees could move the needle in your organization.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

When Public Tragedy Meets Comedy Controversy: Thoughts on Charlie Kirk and Jimmy Kimmel

9/22/2025

The murder of political activist Charlie Kirk and a late-night joke collided, shifting the news cycle from memorials to a public debate. The assassination of Kirk and Jimmy Kimmel’s comments became the latest flashpoint in a debate as old as democracy itself: where does free speech end and the responsibility of public comments begin? Is it time for more open, difficult conversations?

In my work with individuals, companies and union leadership, I have gotten an ear full this past week. I’m less focused on who “won” the argument than on what this moment reveals about our culture at this time in history. Comedy has always been a mirror exposing our contradictions and discomfort. It offers relief, perspective, and truth-telling. However, when humor touches a collective wound—like Charlie Kirk’s death--it can feel like salt in an open cut. For many, the pain of that day remains vivid, and words, even meant in jest, can feel harmful.

However, Kirk’s death and Kimmel’s punchline illustrate how quickly conversations can escalate in today’s climate. Kirk was a beloved public figure on the right and the cornerstone of his message was speaking, listening and open dialogue. While I didn’t agree with all of Kirk’s viewpoints, I think this one is important to note.

Social media rewards speed and impulsivity, not nuance. Leaders in workplaces see a similar pattern: one remark, one email, one careless comment can ignite conflict long before anyone seeks understanding. The lesson isn’t to avoid speaking, rather to pause, notice the timing, and to consider the impact.

It’s important to note that anniversaries of public tragedies can resurface grief. This is true for employees, clients, and communities. HR professionals, managers, and team leaders can take a cue from this controversy by creating space for dialogue rather than judgment. They can also ask what’s beneath a reaction instead of rushing to defend or condemn.

Whether we have a platform, are at a staff meeting, or simply posting online, the challenge is the same: to balance freedom of expression with empathy.

Healing and humor can coexist, but only when we recognize that our words carry both power and responsibility.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

I Thought of Skipping My Blog This Month-But I Didn’t Want To Apologize For Any Inconvenience

8/4/2025

You know the line: “Due to circumstances beyond our control, your plane has been delayed. We apologize for any inconvenience that this has caused.”

It’s August and honestly motivation has run a little low. I thought of skipping this blog, given the relaxed pace of late summer. But that tired “we apologize for the inconvenience” line didn’t sit right with me. If the train is always delayed, maybe we need to rethink the schedule.

So here I am-your neighborhood coach and clinician-choosing structure, deadlines, and a bit of follow-through.

Summer can make us feel like we should be doing more.” “I’m always behind.” “Why can’t I get into a routine?” “Everyone looks so productive.”

Let’s try a reframe: August is a layover-time between summer freedom and fall intensity. In this terminal, “self-care and mental health board first.”

Things I could have done instead of writing this blog:

Declutter my inbox and called it “digital wellness.”
Read another book on burnout “Repetition Therapy.”
Nap more and call it “neurological reboot.”

Final Call

If your goals missed a connection this month, you’re not alone.

If your thoughts are racing, but your energy is on pause-breathe.

Rest isn’t a delay. It’s part of the journey.

Enjoy the layover.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Pride, Progress, and the Expanding Definition of Family

6/16/2025

In June of 2019, I wrote a blog about a major milestone in the ongoing journey toward equality for LGBTQ+ people. In the years since gay marriage became legal in many states, we've seen families of all configurations step more boldly into the light.

In the 2024 presidential race, we saw a perfect example of this. JD Vance was raised by his grandparents due to his mother’s struggle with addiction, VP Harris married at mid-life and has stepchildren. Governor Tim Walz and his wife used IVF. Further, President Trump has been divorced which was rare for a presidential candidate. VP Harris’s stepchildren said they were happy that she was part of the family, but it took time to embrace their stepmother.

What has changed, is not only the law but the culture. More singles and couples—regardless of gender or sexual orientation—are now openly exploring how to create families that reflect their values and commitment. Family no longer fits into one mold.

When I moved to New York City several years ago, I was struck by how adoption was viewed in certain professional circles. In my own extended family, adoption was a natural part of our family story. But in social work and psychology spaces, I encountered a level of skepticism and stigma that surprised me. The narrative often pathologized adoption—framing it as a source of dysfunction rather than a different, valid path to parenthood.

I challenged these views where I could. I asked, “Do we not see difficulties in biological families too? Isn’t it our profession that first acknowledged the complexity of all family systems?” But many resisted, anchored in the belief that adoption inherently harmed children or disrupted the "natural" family order.

Yet change came, slowly and in surprising ways. Some of the same colleagues who had questioned adoption would later become fierce advocates for marriage equality. They championed the right of two women or two men to raise children—even when those children came to them through adoption, surrogacy, or foster care. It was as if one door had to open before another could be seen.

Still, contradictions remain. A colleague recently noted that a client’s struggles were likely “because he was adopted”—a stance she’s voiced many times. But her own son is raising three, multi-racial adopted daughters with his husband. This is something she openly celebrates. She didn’t seem to notice the disconnect in her thinking.

Another professional, who has long criticized adoption as being ‘problematic,’ wore LGBTQ+ Pride colors just days after the Supreme Court affirmed marriage equality. When I gently reminded her that more “non-biological families” will naturally follow, she paused—clearly unprepared to reconcile the disconnect between her views and her politics.

These stories reflect a broader cultural evolution. We are in a moment of expansion. As society redefines love, commitment, and identity, we must also expand our definition of family.

This is more than a policy issue. It’s about acknowledging the hurt caused by outdated beliefs. It’s about repairing those wounds and offering validation to families who have long been made to feel “less than.”

We’ve come too far to let old prejudices shape our present understanding. Family is not about sameness of DNA. It’s about connection, care, and commitment. This Pride Month—and every month—we are invited to affirm that love makes a family.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Mental Health in A Turbulent Political Climate

4/28/2025

Human resource professionals are first responders in the workplace. During times of national stress, they (along with coaches and clinicians) become essential sources of support for employees navigating a shifting world.

As 2025 unfolds, we’re seeing escalating tensions- from culture wars to non-stop news updates and media cycles. Employees don’t leave these issues at the door; they bring their stress, fears and frustrations into the workplace. HR and management are being asked to stay neutral, empathetic and effective-all while managing an emotionally taxed workforce.

The following are some things to consider when it comes to workplace mental health.

How Political Stress Can Impact Work:

Increased irritability, absenteeism and decreased productivity
Tension or conflict between coworkers
Heightened sensitivity
More sick calls or requests for time off.
Scrolling the news instead of working

Why This Time Is So Charged:

24/7 news cycles and the constant buzz of social media.
Heightened fears around safety, identity and rights
Lingering burnout from Covid
Eroding of trust in government and corporate leadership

What HR Can Do:

Normalize stress and mental health challenges in the company
Remind employees of EAP services and how to access them
Review and promote employee benefits- medical, mental health, gym discounts etc.
Encourage stepping away from the computer: take walks instead of scrolling the news at lunch
Create intentional spaces for employees to be heard
Set expectations for limiting media during business hours

Self-Care for HR and Management

Take small breaks-stretch; move and breathe
Build in daily check-ins. A former employer of mine held a 10-15-minute check-in every day, to gauge team morale, workflow, and to provide support
Encourage connection; formally or informally. It helps to create a sense of belonging and importance.

As someone who has assisted HR teams, managers and union leaders for years, I’ve seen the impact of a proactive and compassionate approach. Leaders who prioritize mental wellness help build resilient and healthier workplaces. This kind of leadership matters now more than ever.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Upholding DEI Values

2/17/2025

As a coach and a clinician, I’ve seen firsthand how workplace culture impacts mental health, productivity and one’s personal life. A workplace should be a space where people feel valued and safe to be their authentic selves. Central to this is a commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI).

DEI is not only applicable to women, people of color and the LGBTQ community, but also can apply to men who are in a work environment dominated by employees that are of different backgrounds than them.

Recent political directives aimed at curtailing DEI initiatives have made these principles and guidelines more challenging to sustain.

Here are some ideas to maintain alignment with these values while navigating a complex political landscape.

Reaffirm Core Values: Leadership and management should affirm the organization’s commitment to DEI regardless of external directives.

Compassionate Workplace: I always encourage organizations to adopt practices to create a space where employees feel supported. It’s important to make sure a range of perspectives are put forward in the workplace. If an employee seems to be sitting back without speaking, make sure to ask them for their input.

Mental Health as a DEI Issue: Mental health is often overlooked as a DEI issue. Marginalized employees who experience work environments full of microaggressions and inequities can develop burnout. It can be important to request cultural competence training from your HR department or EAP.

Innovation versus Compliance: Use storytelling and team building to show diverse perspectives. Mentoring programs, community engagement and employee led resources can serve to promote DEI.

Additionally, a holiday potluck can be an opportunity to tell your cultural story via a presentation about your food and the meaning.

Partner with Experts: Sometimes external consultants need to be brought on to address biases, tensions and employee needs. How can management support all employees while maintaining the mission of the company?

Moving Forward: Navigating political and social challenges can be daunting, but at this time in history, our values matter most. By staying committed to DEI principles, we create healthier workspaces and position ourselves as ethical leaders in our industry.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.

Tips For Celebrating The Holidays Post The Election

11/11/2024

I know things are difficult for many who are coping with the outcome of the election. However, many may also be thinking about the upcoming holidays. Given the fatigue people are experiencing from the recent election, how do we move forward? Whether you are working with clients or trying to enjoy time with loved ones, here are some ideas.

Some Lighthearted Ideas for The Holidays

Election Detox: Take a break from the news cycle, texts and scrolling on your phone. Author Elizabeth Gilbert shared that she is off social media Wednesday until Friday to focus on other activities. What if instead of spending so much time engaged with media, you went outside in nature? You could also focus on including more lighthearted media that is uplifting.

Gratitude Jar with a Twist: The idea of gratitude can feel played out and boring. How about making it more fun? Get your loved ones together and each write on a piece of paper about the “funniest Thanksgiving moment.” Put all the ideas in a jar and read through them. Have the group vote on the funniest and give a small prize to the winner. Reflection and laughter can help everyone move on and get in the right mindset for the holiday season.

Turn Frustration into Fuel for Fun: Not everyone’s candidate won this past Tuesday. Help clients and loved ones to channel these emotions into creativity and engagement. Think of 1-2 things you can do to help during the holidays. Find light-hearted memes about holiday blunders. My favorite is a family friend who was hosting her daughter’s fiancé for the first time. She went all out to have a great meal and side dishes. The only problem was, she forgot to turn on the stove. For years, this family joked about that being the longest Thanksgiving ever.

Practice Witty Conversations or Activities: Keep your cool if your candidate lost or if you think you may have a challenging holiday season. Create a fun game around political trivia or “best pie contest.” Use these activities to break the tension, as it can be difficult to be around family members with different political views.

Finding Your Passion: The election is over. Now what? Consider throwing a low-cost fundraiser with political or holiday humor. How about an activism board? Social media is one tool that you can use to build community and support causes that are important to you. While the results of the election are out of your control, you can think about other forms of activism that you can engage with.

Remember, November is a time of thanks and gratitude. I have outlined ways to make it fun for people in your life. You can work to channel the recent stress into a season involving humor, growth and reflection.

Kay Gimmestad, LCSW-C is a business coach and clinician in New York City with 20 years of experience working in the profit and not for profit sectors of Human Resources, Health and Human Services. She has built a reputation for being highly skilled in facilitating behavior change while working with employees, both individually and in groups, on matters relating to performance management, substance abuse, crisis intervention, and stress/wellness.